


"i like wristbands"

by shittyusername



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Crying, Cute, Fluff, M/M, Sad, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, fluffy fluff, sad!Luke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 20:26:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1996683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shittyusername/pseuds/shittyusername
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke is sad and Ashton likes to cuddle.</p>
<p>(This is the first thing I've done and I also wrote it on my phone so im v v v sorry for any mistakes)</p>
<p>It probably sucks balls but oh well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"i like wristbands"

The four boys all huddled into the backseat of a definitely too small vehicle finally leaving the studio after being there all day finishing the album. After a few minutes of quiet, only the buzz from the radio to be heard, the brightly coloured hair boy finally broke the silence "LADS WE DID IT, WE FINISHED IT" he leant foward and whispered a short sentence to the driver then sat back in his seat and continued what he was saying. "WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY SINCE WE WERE LITTLE PREPUBESCENT BOYS IN SCHOOL, NO WE HAVE OUR OWN FUCKING ALBUM, WE'RE GOING TO GET FUCKING WASTED" 2/4 of the other boys started to aggressively cheer like typical teenage boys when they're excited, except luke. Once the obnoxious cheering had calmed down he flatly spoke out   
"I think im gonna pass on this one tonight boys, im super tired from jetlag and shit, have fun though"   
"Alright lukey" Michael replied quickly, not asking any questions much to lukes relief.   
The car pulled up outside the back entrance of the hotel to drop luke off.   
"Actually, I think ill take lukes idea and stay in tonight too boys, have a good night" Ashton said as luke climbed out the car. His words creating a giant lump in lukes throat that he couldn't bring himself to swallow down. Luke just wanted to be alone. He had been feeling awful and empty all day, well that's how he felt most day anyway, and he wanted to be alone in his room so he could cope with this feeling in his own way.

\--------------------------------------------

Both of the boys were in their own rooms now, the lump in his throat had finally disappeared when ashton had said goodnight to him and ventured back to his own hotel room.

This was lukes chance. He was all alone, just himself and his thoughts. He stripped himself of his shoes, socks and jeans, leaving him in just his boxers. He then dug deep into the bottom of his suitcase until he found the little palm-sized box he keeps his coping mechanism in.   
Once he found the box he wandered to the bath room proceding to lock the door (you can never be too careful when you're around this band). He perched on the edge of the bath tub and removed the lid of the box revealing 4, small, sharp pieces of metal. He picked one out at random and placed the box on the floor letting his thoughts take over.  
"Worthless" "horrible" "waste of space" "annoying" "ugly" "disgusting"   
He took the blade to the skin of his wrist, pushing down with a slight bit of force and dragging it across his skin, wincing a little, the first cut is always the worst.   
Horrible thoughts ran through his mind as he proceeded to continue dragging the blade across his skin, slicing it open, bringing blood to the surface with each and every cut. He could feel the intense sting on his wrists and the darkness that had been hanging over him all day finally easing off until there was a knock at the hotel room door and the sound of his band mate "lukey, are you awake...lukey"  
Luke panicked and quickly wiped away the blood pooling on his wrists and readjusted his bracelets so nobody would have any idea of what he'd just been doing.  
He checked himself in the mirror once more to check he looked...well....normal before he unlocked the bathroom door and went straight to the door into his hotel room, letting the impatient boy in.  
"Hey, what's up ash"  
"I wanna cuddle"   
"Ash im not feeling it tonight"  
The older boy stuck out his bottom lip and furrowed his eyebrows giving luke puppy dog eyes. Luke was filled with guilt as he looked up at the boy from the place hed taken on his bed and sighed before lifting up the covers and gesturing for ashton to join him.   
The older boys face lit up as he scampered into the bed beside luke, curling into his chest with his head nuzzled into his neck. 

About an hour went past and they had become more comfortable now and were watching some stupid programme on tv, still curled up together.   
Ashton was fiddling with the younger boy's bracelets covering his wrists.

"Lukey why do you wear all these" ash whispers, gesturing to the long line of rubber bands leading about half way up the younger boy's wrist

Lukes heart beat a little faster, he didn't want to worry the older boy, this was his mess. Nobody else's.   
"Uh... I like wristbands" the blonde hesitantly replied. "Good one luke, so fucking believable. You've fucked up again" he thought to himself imediately regretting everything: agreeing to let ash climb into his bed with him; thinking too much before he answered; relapsing tonight; ever being born. He had zoned out and not noticed the older boy fiddling with the rubber on luke's wrist.  
"Lukey

Lukey...Lucas! 

Hello...Earth to luke hemmings!"   
Until finally a loud "LUKE ROBERT HEMMINGS" brought him to his sense.   
"Uh...yeh ash?"  
"Is there anything you want to tell me?"   
Luke panicked and could feel his heartbeat speeding up again after only calming down seconds before. Shit.   
"Uhh, like what ash?"  
"Like what's under here" the older boy said gesturing to the bands again. No reply.   
"Lukey come on, you're my bestfriend, you can talk to me buddy"  
"Skin....duh" he tried to lighten the mood with that cheeky sarcasm he's known for.  
"Luke im serious" his brown eyes stared into the younger boys bright blue ones.  
"It's nothing ash, can we just sleep im really tired, yknow, long day and jetlag and everything" luke let out a pretend, over exaggerated yawn and cuddled further into the boy leaning against him, slowly letting his eyes shut hoping Ashton would just drop it and brush it off.  
"Luke, no." There was a sudden loss of warmth from beside him as the oldest of the two sat up, turning around to face luke, never letting go of his wrist.  
The younger boy opened his eyes again and scooted further back into the headboard of the bed trying to release ashton's tight grip on his wrist.   
"Ash let go" nothing.  
"Ashton please let me go" he wriggle and squirmed trying to set his arm free, only causing Ashton to grip tighter. By now luke's eyes were glassed over with tears threatening to spill from his eyes, he was wincing in pain and fear of what ashton would say. "He wouldn't understand, he'll think im a freak" is all luke kept telling himself.   
"Lukey, luke stop, don't cry, I just want to talk"  
"I don't want to ash, its nothing, I'm fine" he had his head burried under the soft, silk covers, only his arm sticking out because Ashton still had a tight grip on it. He started to slowly, one-by-one remove the array of bracelets covering lukes wrists, slowly but surely revealing the deep, red, open cuts scattered all over his skin. Ashton let out a loud sigh and cursed to himself under his breath. "This is my fault, how did I not notice. How have I been so oblivious to this. I'm a terrible person. Shit. These are from tonight" ran through his mind.

Great. Now everyone is going to know how much of a freak I am. Brilliant.

The room was silent for what seemed like hours, just the sound of cries from luke being muffled by the covers he was hiding under until finally ashton spoke. 

"Lukey, buddy, come out, come on, im not going to judge you mate, come on i-I want to help"  
The boy didn't budge, ashton experimentally pulled a tiny part of the cover away from lukes head, he didn't try to stop him so he continued to peel the rest of the duvet off of him.  
The blonde boy couldn't bare to make eye contact yet so he just stared down at his feet.   
"Luke...why?" That's all Ashton could think to say right now, still so bewildered as to how he could be so oblivious to this.  
"Lukey, please speak to me"   
"I don't know ash its just-" he got choked up from the urge to start crying again even though he was trying to look tough infront of his friend.  
"Cmon mate"  
"It's just, Ashton I hate myself I hate who I am, I'm so selfish ashton, I have everything I've ever wanted and more yet I still feel the need to do this" he chanced looking down at his now uncovered wrist and cried even harder.  
"It's so selfish, I don't deserve this, I don't deserve anyhing good, I don't know why you and the boys waste your time on me, im not worth it, and one day you're going to realise that and fuck off and leave like everybody else"   
Ashton went to reassure luke that that absoluty will NOT happen only to be cut of  
"-ash dont even say you won't leave because you will, you'll realise what a shit excuse of a person I am and ill be here alone, nobody cares anyway, I hate me, Ashton. I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me." It all came spilling out and luke imediately regrets it.   
The older boy is speechless, just staring down at the mess of a boy beneath him, his usually perfect hair scattered everywhere, his eyes red and bloodshot from crying, his cheeks rosy red and tear stained, and his lips bright pink and quivering. He looked beautiful, Ashton couldn't tear his eyes away from lukes lips, he could hear the boy mumbling some incoherent sentences but he didn't bother to listen.  
"Luke shut up" Ashton whispered as he slowly leaned in closer to the boy beneath him, gently attaching his lips to the younger boy's. Luke dug his head into the matress he was on, he was so caught by surprise. He began to relax into the kiss and started to kiss back, everything felt ok for a while, he forgot everything he'd ever done it for. The older boy finally pulled away, leaving both boys sightly breathless. Before either of them could say anything the older boy was sitting back up and grabbing lukes arm again, he started to place gently chaste kisses on each one of the younger boy's open wounds. It wasn't weird, it felt right. Luke felt ok again, he knew this feeling was temporary, but it was nice. Reassuring.

Once Ashton had kissed every single scar or cut at least twice he made eye contact with the younger boy again. He had stopped crying, his breathing had slowed down again and he was blushing.   
"Lukey?"  
"Yeh?"  
"I know this won't be easy, but I promise you me and the boys are-"  
Luke panicked again. "Ash no please don't tell the boys ash please they'll hate me" he pleaded.   
"Luke, luke calm down, calm down. They would never hate you" luke went to speak again but Ashton hushed him with a gentle finger to his lips  
"Sh. Lukey, its okay, it can be our secret until you decide you want to tell them, but I promise all they'd want to do it help. We all want to help luke, we love you, I love you luke, it will get easier, it will all be ok, I know that sounds so cliche but I promise you it will and Im going to be here every step of the way whether you like it or not. Now let's get some sleep, you look exhausted, we can talk about this all tomorrow."  
Ashton was right, he was exhausted, maybe it was from the jetlag or maybe it was from the crying, he wasn't sure but he didn't care, all that mattered now was the curly haired boy cuddling into him, wrapping his arms tightly around him and placing a gentle kiss to his lips before nuzzling into his neck.   
"I love you so much lukey" he whispered into his skin before shutting his eyes.  
"I love you ash" he replied, feeling the older boy's lips spread into a huge grin against his skin before relaxing again and slowly drifting off to sleep.

"Maybe, just maybe I will be ok." He thought to himself.

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally the first time I've written ok don't judge me, please say if its triggering or anything so i can put warnings on it. Ily x


End file.
